While
reading page 79 of “Chicken Soup For The Soul: Thank Dads” inside the car on my
way home, a close blogger-friend suddenly popped-up in my mind. I remember how
in our series of online chat he would discuss about his sour relationship with his
dad.
Sensitive
topics such as that related to a family always catch my utmost attention. His
story about his dad is worth listening. Along our convy, I can strongly feel
how he felt disconnected towards his dad. I quickly gauged that there is a clear
gap between him and his dad. A gap that was rooted when he was a young boy
growing up.
I feel
him. I feel how pain still lingers in his heart even at present despite
confessing to me that he had forgiven him already. He had attempts to get
closer to him but none of his efforts succeeded.
Being a
young dad, I somehow understand where he is coming from and there is this
“dad’s instinct” in me that wanted to comfort him, that wanted to show him and
let him feel how it is to be embraced by the love of a father. At some point I
even musingly agreed to him calling me his dad even if it means a bit of
awkwardness since I’m just several years his senior.
After we said our goodbyes online, I was thinking so hard how I can help him deal with his situation. Though at some point, I also thought that maybe I'm also a bit in intrusion of his (their) privacy. Even when in my mind, I had the purest of intention.
Honestly, I find myself at a rescue of someone longing for a dad's reconnection, of someone searching for dad's pure love and care. A sense of being acknowledged, a sense of being given accorded attention for a son.
Through this human-interest story I just had, I was led to transcribe my very first entry for "The 365 Life Lessons Project". And below is the life lesson I learned from hearing the situation of this blogger-friend of mine.
LIFE LESSON LEARNED:
"When opportunity of helping someone deal or face a certain standpoint in their lives, do not deprive yourself to run for a rescue. You'll never know how your words of wisdom can affect them positively. Your words if taken into an optimistic perspective can give them courage and vigor to face their long standing kinship dispute."
How about you guys? Have you had similar situation to the one here in the story? And what effort have you had exhausted to reconnect with your dads? Feel free to share.
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You're such a good friend with him and a hope giver din. Binibigyan mo sya ng pag-asa to reconnect the broken relationship between him and his father. Nakakakita siguro sya sayo ng father image hindi lang siguro na dahil daddy kana kundi nakita nya na responsable kang ama na wala sa kanyang tatay. Ang swerte ng anak mo Daddy Jay :)
ReplyDeleteI feel ur blogger-friend sana maging maayos na sila ng daddy nya. sino ba yang blogger nayan? :P
”Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad.” - Wala lang!
ReplyDeleteI love the life lesson... Words can really help and sometimes we tend not to share words of comfort thinking that they are unsolicited...
ReplyDeleteThe father and son topic is something I am not used to discussing since I also never had a relationship with my Dad even before his passing.
I admire people who have father image...
It's worth the first entry, or lesson 1.
ReplyDeleteRamdam ko sya. Although hindi naman ako ganun sa dad ko. Napakabait at napaka understanding ng dad ko and I'm very thankful for that. And I know, your kid will feel the same way towards you the way I feel towards my dad, kuya Jay. ;) Especially when your kid gets older & learn how to appreciate what naked eyes can't see.
And, hanga ako kay mr blogger kasi hindi nya pinatulan yung gap na binibigay ng dad nya sakanya. Instead, he made some ways to approach his dad to fix things although failed lahat. But I know, one day his dad's gonna see all his son's effort & will realize how lucky he is to be the father of his son. :)
totoo yang lesson learned, when people having troubles in their own when they seek solutions or lets say maghanap ng kausap para mabawasan ang sakit na nararamdaman nila, it really helps, the words are very powerful. kung para sa atin na tayo ang tumulong hindi ganon kalaking bagay kasi tayo ang nagbibigay pero sa binigyan natin sobrang laki na yon. and when things turn around, doon mo maramdaman gaano kalaking bagay pala ang may nakikinig sa atin, nagbibigay ng tulong at supporta. nakakrelate po ako dito sir, madami na rin akong napagdaanan, tama nga gulong ang buhay natin. i also have issues with my father before nong sabay2x na dumating ang mga problema namin, nagpatong patong na nga eh pero may mga situation na nagpapabago ng perspective mo, paniniwala at matutong tanggapin at harapin ang ano mang mga bagay na darating sa ating buhay. humaba na ata comment ko hehehe lol
ReplyDeleteHindi ganoon kadalas ang paguusap namin ni Papa at mahaba na siguro ang limang minuto naming pag-uusap sa loob ng isang linggo pero sa kabila nito kahit hindi man kami magkasama at gaanong nagkakausap matatag pa rin ang relasyon namin sa isat-isa.
ReplyDeleteAng swerte ng kaibigang blogger nyo po na hayaan siyang ikaw ang tumayong Dad niya!
well words of advice and comfort may be the least that we can do but also the best way to help them too,
ReplyDeletewell you dont have to be a role model or the best para makapag advice sa tao ang kainlangan mo lng ee sincerity and that all that matters
kahit irrelevant pa ung advice mo the fact na nakidamay ka expect mo na maapreciate ka
Arvs - I just feel the need to at least show my concern to him. And I'm in the position where the person trusted me with his problem and all I can humbly do is to give him some words of wisdom. I hope he'll find the guts soon to settle their differences. (wink)
ReplyDeleteArvs- that blogger-friend is definitely in our circle of blogger-friends. So it's time for you to hunt who he is...hehehe
ReplyDeleteSenyor- sad to hear that you don't have remarkable memories with your dad. But it's not the end of the world, bawi ka nalang sa mga magiging anak mo. Thanks
ReplyDeletePao - Well said Pao! Good to hear that you have an awesome relationship with your dad. Cherish it. :)
ReplyDeleteLala - You are so right Lala! And good thing you're done with some difficult challenges in you family. Thanks for the comment
ReplyDeleteMecoy - Absolutely Mecoy! The fact that we are willing to listen to their stories is more than enough that we are with them in their difficult times. Thanks parekoy.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the day, we're still the sons and daughters of our fathers. Though the gap is there, I'm sure they still care for each other. Everything will be alright between them, sooner or later. And somehow, you, in your own way, can be the catalyst to hasten the reconnection OR at least make the first move to fix that gap between these two broken souls. What you already did actually was a huge thing. Your presence alone at that difficult time is already a big deal.
ReplyDeleteOlivr - Thank you for your words of wisdom. And yes, sooner or later, things between them will be settled even with or without my presence.
ReplyDeleteHaha. I know him very well :P
ReplyDeletegandang ng advise mo daddy jay. me mga instances rin na i need to give an advise to a friend pero ang hirap baka kasi ma misunderstood ako. kaya quiet nalng ako
ReplyDeleteMy dad and I are okay naman. :) I try to give in to some of his quirks, pagbigyan na kasi nagmmidlife crisis na.hehe. :P
ReplyDeletehttp://www.dekaphobe.com/
Only if we can put ourselves in the shoes of others only then we can understand them. Ganun talaga it takes real and hard effort to build up relationships. I hope your friend will have more time to patch things up with his dad. Alam mo na, tumatanda ang tao...
ReplyDeletePhioxee - Thanks! Sometimes we need to step up to help someone in distress situation. As long as our intention is pure, we will never be misunderstood. :)
ReplyDeleteMichy - good to know you and your dad have a great relationship. The thing with my blogger-friend is that, their cold treatment roots from his younger years. I hope things will be patched sooner or later, para complete happiness sila and no awkward moments.
ReplyDeleteMa'am Malou - Exactly po. And either one of them should step up and reach out soon. Try and try until you die? este until things will be ok pala. Pero, I know my blogger-friend had done his effort naman. Let's pray nalang that they will be ok soon.
ReplyDeleteNong Inong - Good to hear that you're ok with your dad. In you case, the action speaks more than words. The bond is strong even when words are seldom spoken
ReplyDeleteHindi ko masasabi na close kami ng tatay ko. Pero di ko din masabi na malayo ang loob ko sa kanya. Basta ewan, ang gulo ko lang. Lalo pa ngayon na may di pagkakaunawaan na namamagitan sa kanila ng nanay ko ngayon at ang puno't dulo ng problemang iyon ay siya. Di ko alam kung anong dapat kong maramdaman. Ilang years na din kasi nilang problema ito. Minsan gusto ko nang i-share ito sa blog ko pero sa tuwing gusto nang magsimulang type, inaatake naman ako ng apprehension. Kaya ayun, ewan ang mejo magulo lang ang family namin ngayon specially sa part ng parents ko.
ReplyDeletePasensya na parekoy, nag-emote lng haha!
there are a lot of lessons to be learned ... some are fleeting ... some are life changing ... what matters is that we learn ...
ReplyDeleteKaye - Exactly kumare....it's up to us whether we'll take it or just pass it on. Thanks
ReplyDeletenaka-relate lang din ako, di naman sa galit ako sa tatay ko, di lang talaga kami close, naisip ko nga pag tinanong mo siya wala siya masyadong maisasagot sa akin, napakadalang o halos wala akong natatandaan na mga pagkakataon na nakapag-usap kami ...
ReplyDeletenung bata ko, sobra akong naiinggit sa mga kaibigan o kalaro ko na close sa kanilang tatay...
hanggang ngayon ganun pa rin ang lagay namin, pero ok lang kasi malaki na naman ako ngayon, I have learned to understand and accept the situation. I'm just thankful na rin na may tatay pa rin ako.
I cry when the topic is about dads. I have one but he treated me like an outsider. I paid for my own tuition courtesy of my grandma. I begged for money to buy school materials. I was hit by a flying fork, strangled by a towel, and called many hurtful words. I left the country and made my own life. Through all these, I don't blame my father for he is the only one I have. I made those pelted rocks, not into walls, but stepping stones for me to become successful in life.
ReplyDeleteFiel - I hope na maayos kung anuman ang gusot ng parents mo. There is nothing more joyful than having complete family with harmonious parents. No amount of money can ever replace it.
ReplyDeleteJep - I hope there will come a time sooner na magkaroon kayo ng chance to have a heart to heart bonding ng tatay mo. It's hard to have walls in the family most esp. sa parents. But I also believe that God has His reason why things like that happens. i believe He is brewing something grand when finally you'll be able to patch things up with your dad.
ReplyDeleteJonathan - You are a positive person Sir Jonathan. Despite the hardships and verbal abuse you have suffered from your very father yet you still have a heart not to curse him. And your approach towards those hurtful situation was remarkable. You don't dwell on the negative instead you used the situation to strengthen you and sustain you. It's one of the reasons why you are successful now.
ReplyDeleteBeing the youngest in the family I'm everybody's pet but I'm a puppy to my mom than anybody else. I literally live under her shirt :) that's why when she died early - no words can explain how I feel that time. My father is lost on how to fill that hole in me and maybe for the rest of my siblings as well.
ReplyDeleteMy father is very disciplinarian, maybe the reason why he's more lost on how to fill my sweet mother's role...
When a person asked for my help on situation like this, I am more than willing to help on the situation. But if he/she just need an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on, then she can have both shoulders and ears anytime they are needed and I'll be happy as well to share my learned wisdom from life.