About A Lost Friend, Of Memories, and Of A Memorable Encounter: Ascension Sonny Rutor

Left Side: A good friend, Sonny Ascension Rutor,
who passed away due to Stage 4 Lung Cancer
on Sept. 23, 2012

I still vividly remember this moment. 

A night filled with intermittent drizzles but enveloped with smiling faces. The faces of people some of whom we do not personally know but the common ground upon which we hold on were the thought that they all came from our town.

Months before it happened, I cannot even give my sweet and unreluctant “Yes” to Che Palma Ferrer as she humbly asked my assistance to host or be one of the hosts of the SAMAHANG SAN FERNANDO night of gathering for the church’s cause. It was because that time, I was just waiting for my new visa (for a new employer)  to arrive and I was not certain if I would still be around comes September 25, 2010. 

Luckily, due to a long delayed visa, I was able to attend the gathering – eventually accepted the hosting stint. 

Solitary Moment - Page 3

Today, I want to thank God for sending amazing people in the middle of my fuming anger. 

If only you can see me while I was in total havoc earlier, you wouldn't have believed that I can be turned in to a raging bull. Perhaps, you might be shocked and think "Is that Jay? Can Jay do that?" kind of pressing questions. 

I literally was shouting in anger in the office earlier due to an office mate who I feel cheated and disrespected me. I won't detail-out what really took place but it's completely work related. I know myself and I am a diligent worker - I wouldn't be given a bonus in three folds and praises more than I humbly expect if I am just a lousy kinda guy. And I seldom being provoked to be so pissed with a situation BUT HE JUST DID. I really wanted to instigate a fist fight. Oh God! forgive me!

Good thing it didn't happen or else I might end up sleeping inside a stinky jail for the first time here. Worst is, I might be sent home deported for a very unworthy situation that has an intention to just provoke me into uncontrollable anger. Fist fight isn't allowed, if a police officer sees you in action or if the one you're in troubled with reports to a police --you're a dead man. I mean, it's not allowed here. And the worst thing is if the officer would see your opponent to be bathing in blood --Hell no! you're automatically deported. That's their law and no one can't bend it.

And with that I say ""GOD, thank you for arming me with great fortitude. It's true - me as human can still be susceptible to uncontrollable anger and animosity. Yet, you're showing me countless instruments that touches my inner core and helps me confront a difficult and provoking situation with benevolence & grace. Truly YOU are amazing and I'm forever grateful."

I still err for I am human. So do with my faith - it is still a work in progress. I still am in the middle stage of refinement and will still undergo so many challenges that would try to rust me off. Yet I am willing to face the giants in me. I know the road to holiness is like a tiny hole. But I am banking on your will and armor. I am capitalizing my faith in you.

I will win the battle I'll make sure of that. I won't let you down. I know YOU are there --watching every inch of me and my actions.

Thank you God, for never abandoning me.

Solitary Moment - Page 2

I just don't feel so good today yet these are my thoughts.

I just suddenly write and look at  what I've done.

Office isn't the best place as of the moment. Pressure building up and some people in it are just uncooperative and over demanding.

Deadlines here and there. Short notice reports and stuff troubled me a bit.

But after all of these unlikely scenarios, I just blurted out these words.

Funny thing is I took extra effort to put it in MS Powerpoint presentation and saved it via JPEG format --to look presentable.

God, thank you for extending so much of my patience. God thank you for giving me extra strength to control my temper.

God, simply I just want to THANK YOU.

Solitary Moment - Page 1

I lost track of how many weeks I had been so neglectful of encoding an entry in my blog.

I don't know but those lost times were like my brain was put to freeze. Every time I look at my laptop and try to write, ideas won't come out.

What is happening to me? Is it a writer's block again? Damn! if it is then I want it go and stray away in my brain path. I don't need it. 

I want to write. I want to write. I need to write.

Perhaps, all of us (writers/bloggers) had been into these days. And we are quite familiar to this avenue. Most of us had been crossing its alleys a number of times. I mean days where our attempt to write isn't fruitful and we're just ending up wasting our time and finishing none. It's stupid right? A time where you really crave to write yet your brain don't give you great ideas. Your brain was like in a dormant state that forcing it to be active is really painful.