My Apology, My Lord

Dear Lord,

I can’t sleep tonight!

I feel so lonely.

My heart carries a heavy load of guilt because I have unintentionally offended someone I consider close to me.

I have laid flat on my bed but I am wide awake and cant' even feel the sense of being sleepy.

Though I've conveyed my sincere apology but I just feel that it is lacking due to a sour response.

Honestly, I am damn stupid why I did drag a name that has been valued the most. Though, it was purely unintentional but I still err. The very thought that I had pinched a portion of my close friend's heart is enough that I did so wrong with that joke.

I could have been more sensitive and choose other things instead. But the damage is done. I can't redo what I did. 

I am carrying an enormous guilt that I felt for the first time. It's because I value this person a a close one. 

Now, what's next is I don't know. I don't even have any idea what will be the repercussion to our friendship after this incident. 

Suddenly, I felt discouraged, disengaged, and disconnected. What's worse is that, I remember my close friend's quote to me before: "If you have issues with someone close to you, tell them frankly but nice. I did what was told but I just felt a sour response. Or is it just me who feel it? 

Lead me oh Lord to your will to me. 

But, Lord let me assure you that this incident will be between You and me and my close friend. No one will ever receive any clue who the person is because I reserve my right to make it private. I write this because I just want to pour out my heart to YOU upon whom I should apologize the most. 

If this incident will be a test of friendship, I will fully obey unto You will upon us. I know you have the power to mend even the most shattered of relationships. And I believe you will. 

Lord you know very well that my conscience is clean - the intention to offend him is none from my plan nor it stick to my head. And that I don't want to offend anyone, let alone friends close to me. 

Strengthens in me again a heart that endures and an apologetic heart. 

This time on, I have misgivings if I can joke around again. Lord, I guess I am not good at it. Or if I may do so, guide me that I won't utter words that woud hurt, even unintentionally. 

More than asking an apology to my close friend, I should ask apology from YOU first because I have done something unworthy to you for doing such an unintentional offense. 

Forgive me Oh Lord! another shortcoming has been made by your erring son. The occasion to sin had once again succeeded that I fall prey/victim in my most unguarded moment. 

I will try to sleep now. I know things will be ok, not for now, but in the days ahead. I know you won't disappoint me. If there are things that you want me to learn from this experience, reveal it to me Lord. 

Thanks for listening Lord, Good night Father!