The Day I Changed My Heart

Over the years, I must say ours is not the best relationship. That's a sad fact.

Many a time, I’ve been a hardheaded fool. There were days of heaven with you and days counting as hell. 

I remember those days when we used to frequent the PICC grounds just to catch the early sunrise over Manila Bay. It was an energizer in my body and a comfy feeling for you as well. 

Back then, our relationship was at its best. I can vividly recall how you'd be at my bed side when weekends come so that I'd not miss our regular weekend dates. I'd wake up as early as 4am or even earlier just not to miss a day without you by my side. Us - running together, striding up the dilapidated steps of Manila Film Center back and forth and ended up gasping for breath while laughing hard - because no matter how frequent we do the routine, I still gasp for air in the end.

Of course, I am more delighted than you when we see the sun slowly making its presence in us and its rays embracing my sweating body. If you could only laugh at me you'd do, but I know you won't do that because you love me seeing that way. It's like a slice of heaven for you. You were my biggest fan cheering me up on weekends. You'd even push me a litter harder just for me to surpass a target run for a day. 

There were a few occasions where you'd want me to get lost because I've been fooling around. You'd be the most jealous one when I tend to prioritize others than you. I understand you behaving that way. I understand the level of intimacy you'd want to develop with me. I understand the amount of love you'd put in each and every day we're together. You'd even kid around telling me that - if days were just as fast as lightning struck - you'd want it to happen just to fast forward to our weekend adventures. 

But things have changed over the years. 

I thought I'd be the faithful partner to you. You've grieved realizing I've drifted so far away. That sour treatment you'd received from me was like the most painful you'd never want to happen to you - but I still did. I never realized the gravity of your love for me because I'm too caught up with others - people and things. 

Later when I realized that our weekend dates had vanished. I never explained. I just let go of you. You've been whisked aside for no apparent reason. There were many Valentines days that had passed but I never dated you. More worse, I dated someone else. How painful was that? 

You hated it seeing me indulging too much on foods because you very well know what repercussions it might physically bring me. But I ignored you - ignored you big time. I even hated you for prodding me to stop. I've misjudged the supposedly genuine concern coming from you - because I'm naturally stubborn. 

If you could only cry a river you would have done that several times - because you hated the fact you're seeing the person you've loved gained so much unwanted calories. You have been the more conscious between the two of us. I'm kind of a "just go with the flow" with lavish indulgence while you're the kind where balance in everything is necessary. 

When I decided to work abroad, you even came with me. We tried to patch things up - we had couple of weekend trips along the boulevard facing Bahrain. We loved the idea but it didn't go a long way. It was my recurring faults that broke your heart once again. 

Even if you know I can't give you an undivided attention, you'd still stuck around. Ignoring the pains that had been bulleted in your heart countless of times. I resent you because you're such a martyr - loyal then and even more martyr now. I don't know what's in me that you can't leave me. I don't know why you're concern over me is like seventh heaven for you. 

Or is it just me that's been ignoring the sheer importance why you keep staying in my life? I guess it's the latter reason that's believable. 

So for the record, I am changing. Now, I've come to realize your utmost significance. If only I could turn back time. If only I could make up for the lost time that we could have enjoyed then. If only I can undo all the stupid things I've done 

If only. 

But, it's never too late. Too late is never an issue for you. In fact when I broke the news to you - that I'd be sticking with you for life, you're the happiest I've ever seen. 

So, thank you for the unparalleled, incomparable, and unending love for me. Thank you - even more that you've never got tired of me. Thank you for making me realized that life is short and should be handled well. That life is well lived having you around. I can never thank you enough for your unconditional love. The concern and affection you've shown towards me is just amazing. Through thick and thin, you've stayed. Now, it's my time to make you to you. It's my time to show you that I'm worth a second chance. It's my time to let you know that you matter - and you highly matter to me. 

Mark this day, a day I completely changed my heart. This is our race and you'll never be alone again. I will be with you all the way. 

No ifs and buts.

Hahaha! I bet upon reading this, you'd probably guessing that I'm referring to a woman? hahaha! But at the end of this short story, it's my shoes that surprised you haha! :) :)