I have confidence in people as I have it in myself. It's not lost and will never be lost.
At times, maybe it may dies down or the indicator would hit the lows of low instead of the highs of high. In spite of it, still things should go on, move on. It's the only way that matter in today's complex world we're livin' in. It's like "don't get affected too much, just learn from those". And never try to follow their lead if you know it would cause you defiling or crashing people even in the intention of a joke.
But in today's world, even the very people you're near with sometimes lashes out hard-hitting jokes which get your ego off-guarded, a time when your emotion can't graciously handles. Sometimes, you'll never know how to react. Will you pretend you're happy and go with the flow?..anyway as they discloses, "don't take it seriously, it's just a joke". But the thing is, no matter how you throw-out a joke- it's no-pun-intended. It's still has the element of a "half truth" as some would believe in it.
There is this awkward moments when people closer to you goes off beyond your personal limits. Thinking just because they are close to you and you to them, they have all the freedom to express all their "jokie-jokie" not even realizing that even if you're close to them, you still deserved to be treated in the usual norm. It's always a pretext, an excuse for them, when you started noticing their unguarded words.
There are times in our lives where we feel weary, where we think we can't handle unhealthy words especially from friends whom you put your trust with. There are moments where you just feel it's better to stay than goin' out with them when you know right in the middle of friendly discussion you'll be put once again in the spot and them started throwing "indirect utterance of jokes" which leads to boisterous laughs at your own expense. I, for one, experiences what I'm talking about here. No matter how hard you try to ignore them, still there's a part in you which felt violated. There's a portion in your ego that clearly echoes-out and bounced back letting you know that "you're a bit hurt or really hurt". Letting you feel that the situation is awkward for you to stay longer.
But, don't get me wrong, at some points in my life, I had been one of them too. And I want to say sorry for doing such to whoever I have bullied a bit in my life. Hmmm..may be not really termed as "bully" for me but I guess it's more of an "out-of-tune expression of a joke". I should have known it earlier that bullying is not really good, not even a fun thing to do. We never realized how big a damage we had caused to a person which literally lowered their confidence. It's a scary thing. Why? It's because we are contributing to the development of their inferiority complex which can lead them to be demotivated. It weakens their plight to try harder because they can't easily moved on to the previous encounter which really affected their lives.
I want to go back to my early life. I had been a victim of heavy bullying. My childhood isn't a great one for those times when I've been subjected to so many criticism and bullying which I don't deserved. I don't know why. I can't even understand why I should suffer such when the truth was "I'm just a regular guy, so naive to the point of like "I can't even mess out or break a crystal plate". It affected me so much. There were times when I almost quit trying things because I was afraid I'll be the talk of the hours or even a day or worse even for a week or a month.
I am a sensitive guy. When I experience the lows of low in my life my initial tendency is to lure to it. I'll let myself feel the pain while thinking why is it done to me when I don't deserve it either. When I'm hurt, or bothered I can't hide it. My concentration is so weak that people around me would easily notice that I'm not OK.
My bullying experiences had positive effects to me though, at least for the later part of my life. Well, for one, it reminds me that I should be careful with my words, that I should think first before I say or do a thing. That I should always be respectful of the people around me even when things get difficult. The experience always slaps me and let me know that I should always treat people right.
I have let go of the pain, I have come to term and understand why such things happened as they were before. I have moved on with lessons that will be with me through the rest of my lifetime. I forgive the past and the people from my past who contributed to my pain before.
With the experience I gone through I was able to solidify my desire to strive harder and to passionately work on things I aim for. I've played in the field where tough people lingers and I have made an accomplishment should have been different if I had a path dissimilar to what I've been through.
But, with all these things, I have only lessons to share. Never be fazed by bullies and don't let them step in your shoes. Hold your ground as long as you're in the right path. Bullies are people who are victims too, it just so happen that you were made their shock absorber about their frustrations for they lack the courage to face their fears.
Don't count yourself as one of the bullies, but be a believer that life is brilliant for a person who suffers being bullied because it just show how strong you are to faced them. And courage will never left you as long as you stay connected to your cause and you know who you are.
This entry was written at 2Am of Saturday, October 1, 2011. I was able to woke-up from a long and nice sleep. The motivation came from a video I saw from the net which led me to write all about this topic.
It's 2:46AM now, I'll go back to sleep again. See you in my next entry. God bless y'all. Peace to y'all. :)))